Today, I thought I would write some of my thoughts... It may be confusing to you as you read this, but that is sometime how my thoughts come out... I'm thinking how can I interest someone to read this... Do I have to say something cute or uppity to catch someone's attention... I'm not that kind of person... Be kind, be observant to everyone and everything around you and be your own self... Not trying to be or act like someone that I'm not but to be the real me... Ohhhh... that sounds scary, doesn't it... Ha ha... I'm am far from scary or mean spirited... I like a calm, no drama or chaos lifestyle... I have, after 50 years of trying to be the best of who I am, find that I really hadn't gotten to that point... It was only since my youngest son walked out my front door two and half years ago saying "you are just a piece of shit" I realized that I was doing things to make everyone else happy... Especially my two sons... They were users... they were disrespectful and mean... It seemed like I couldn't do enough for them in their eyes... I was being selfish and supposedly wasn't doing what they thought I should be doing... If they said jump I was supposed to jump... I finally had my fill of what they wanted to stand up for myself and say "I'm Mom, not a doormat to wipe your feet on"... It was a really tough time in my life that I had no one that I could call and they'd be there lick-ity-split... Or at least give moral support... Being self-reliant on myself, I had to mow the yard myself or hire someone to do it... I had to shovel the snow off the porch and driveway or hire someone to do it... I took the trash can to the curb and brought it back on trash day... I think you get the drift... One son lived out of state and has never come for a visit... I went there to see him... The youngest son is a narcissistic user... And I'll leave it at that... It's really hard not to have your kids in your life... I have overcome that fact and I am Me, I am enough and life goes on everyday with or without my kids' in my life... I try to live everyday as if it's my last... Whether it's to do dishes, laundry, sweep and dust or to read a book, I do it my way... I don't have a structured schedule... I don't eat at the same time everyday... I do though, take my meds everyday at 11 a.m. and 11 p.m. Meds for what you ask... Well, high blood pressure, depression, panic and anxiety issues, fibromyalgia and of course being diabetic puts the frosting on the cake... Coloring and plastic canvas craft work are 2 of my hobbies... I don't know if you can call being an avid reader a hobby... It's just something I do... I love playing cards and board games and watching (or listening to) movies that I have on VHS tapes... More on my "hobbies" next time... Make it a happy day...
